Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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