just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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