His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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