I just pynch a tree in the face
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is classic penis vs brain.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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