he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
