I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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