i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
