I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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