TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
