I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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