She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize