Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
