Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize