And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
