We named our party play list daddy issues
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
