i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He better not be in your backpack
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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