one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
