I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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