I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
