i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
a search helicopter?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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