I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
