if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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