If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Randomize
