Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
