Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
