i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
