There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
