my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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