I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There r osticjed everywhere
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
