i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
