FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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