I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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