well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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