South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
