I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
