need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
