I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize