I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
