the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
