when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
