This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
