So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
