i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
