You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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