I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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