cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
