I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
