Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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