Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
