You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
