I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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