Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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