it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize