remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
