ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize