Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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