you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
