3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
