Your tits are I can't wait for
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
