He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
