your thong is hanging out like whoa
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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