i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
3pm strippers are depressing
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
