listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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