The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
