I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They have beer where we have blood.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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