Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
