i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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