I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
