I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
