i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
